


Take Me To Church

by ElizabethPontmercy, MaeghanJonquille



Category: Enjolras/Grantaire - Fandom, Enjoltaire - Fandom, Les Misérables - All Media Types
Genre: Enjolras Has Feelings, Grantaire & Éponine Thénardier Friendship, M/M, Religious Conflict, enjoltaire - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-03-02
Updated: 2015-03-04
Packaged: 2018-03-16 01:17:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 2
Words: 3,100
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/3469007
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ElizabethPontmercy/pseuds/ElizabethPontmercy, https://archiveofourown.org/users/MaeghanJonquille/pseuds/MaeghanJonquille
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Enjolras takes much pride in his religion, but struggles with the fact that he's gay. He has lived in denial about it for as long as he can remember but now he can't take it anymore. He can't just pretend anymore. He begins to have an internal conflict with his religion and his sexuality and feelings toward his best friend Grantaire. He wants to be a true christian and make the church proud but he can't pretend and live a lie anymore. It's killing him.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Late Night

Enjolras stared at the ceiling, cursing at himself over and over again. The disgust and confusion was building up even more now. He glanced over at the blonde sleeping in his bed. _What was her name again?_ He shrugged at the thought, it didn't matter, nothing about her mattered. He closed his eyes and sighed, nothing about tonight felt right, this random girl should not be sleeping in his bed, she should not have even tried to make a move on her. He was much better than a one night stand, especially with some random broad. It didn't feel right because h wasn't straight, no matter how many women he brought to his home for an occasional fuck, at the end of the day it didn't matter. He was attracted to men, well, one man. Though no one knows, not even the man he was attracted too. Enjolras thought telling this man would mean he was officially gay, which he couldn't be. That couldn't be the case what so ever. He was just confused. He told himself the feelings for this man would disappear over time, but it's been 5 years now. Enjolras sighed, his mind focusing on him once again.

Enjolras believed thinking like this was wrong, he was one for equality but he had still thought it was a sin, and him being strong in his faith did not want to sin. Though right now tonight he wasn't doing so well with that. Enjolras squeezed his eyes shut, becoming even more frustrated, he felt like a horrible Christian. He took another glance at the blonde, she disgusted him. He blames her for this sleepless night of guilt and shame. He blames the man he is in love with, and most of all he blames himself

Enjolras sat up and slowly got out of his bed trying to not wake the sleeping girl. He grabbed his white t-shirt and a pair of grey sweats from off the floor and makes his way out of his bedroom. He puts his hand into the pockets of his grey sweats making sure his phone is in there, then walks out of his apartment to his balcony. He sits down on the bench and grabs his pack of cigarettes from the side table. He lights a cigarette in hopes of it easing his mind.

The weather was nice, the air cool and the smell of the previous rain shower lingered. It was relaxing. He leaned back and stared at the starry sky, _This should calm me down_ he thought to himself. Though it didn't, nothing did, the only thing that could calm him down would be him. Enjolras began the internal argument of weather to contact him or not, it as late and there would be no way in hell he would be awake unless he was bar hopping with Couf or 'Ponie.

Enjolras pulled his phone out staring at it, he finally unlocked his phone and hovered his thumb over his contact. Grantaire's contact. _It couldn't hurt, he's a heavy sleeper, probably won't even hear his phone_ but before he knew it the phone was ringing, his thumb "slipped" and hit the call button. Enjolras put the phone up to his ear, his heart beating against his chest. The phone ringed for a minute until Grantaire's groggily voice came through. Enjolras breathing stopped.

"Hello? Enjolras?" he grumbled  
Enjolras couldn't help but smile at the sound of his voice.

"I-I'm sorry, I just needed to hear your voice." Enjolras blurted out. His eyes grew wide as he realized what he had just said. Grantaire laughed softly.

"Is everything okay?" a hint of concern lingered in Grantaire's voice. Enjolras sighed, he didn't know how to answer that.

"I-I" he sighed once more "I don't have a fucking clue actually" he chuckled as he said that. Grantaire yawned.

"Would you like some company?"

"I don't want to keep you awake" Enjolras said quietly, but a hint of a smile forming. Grantaire chuckled, Enjolras could "see" Grantaire shaking his head.

"I was already awake dear."

Enjolras smiled and quietly laughed. "I'll be over in like 10 minutes." Grantaire hung up leaving with Enjolras with his dorky smile. Enjolras didn't have to waite long to hear his front door gently close. He saw Grantaire walk out onto his small balcony. He was wearing his dark green sweatshirt and plaid pajamas that hung loosely on his hips.  
"Be quiet, I got some girl in my room." Enjolras said pointing inside. Grantaire shook his head and sat down next to his beloved friend.

Grantaire took Enjolras's pack of cigarettes and lit himself one. He then looked over at Enjolras who was inhaling deeply on the butt of his. "What's going on tonight." he asked focusing on Enjolras's baby blues. Enjolras looked over at him, looking Grantaire back in the eyes. Enjolras had no idea where to start or how to even answer that he was feeling so much at once.

"I just feel..." Enjolras trailed off for a second "Confused, confused about so many things." he said quietly.  
"Confused about what?"

Enjolras shook his head, his eyes becoming watery. Grantaire frowns, and pulls Enjolras into a hug "Whatever it is, it will be okay.: Grantaire whispered. Enjolras pulled back staring into Grantaire's eyes.

"Je Taime" Enjolras croaks. Grantaire's eyes lit up, his jaw dropped.

"Enjolras." he said quietly. Enjolras all of a sudden put his head down and began to cry, which was something Grantaire hasn't seen in years.

"Grantaire. I've been lying to myself for years."

"What do you mean?" Grantaire asked

"I'm not straight, being with women makes me sick" Enjolras sobbed. "I-I..." he paused "I don't know. I just don't know anymore. Grantaire knew what he was trying to say now, and realized why he couldn't say it. Grantaire wrapped his arms around his dear friend "You'll figure it out." Grantaire whispered into the blonde's ear. Enjolras continued to cry on Grantaire, smothering his sobs in his friend's chest. Grantaire began to rub Enjolras's back in slowly, he honestly didn't know what to do. Grantaire has never seen his best friend this upset before.

"God hates me."

Grantaire frowned, he pulled Enjolras away from him seeing this tear stained face. Grantaire kept a hand on Enjolras's reddened wet cheek. "He would never hate you. If he loves me for being gay, then he will love you still even if you're gay." Grantaire smiled "He might even love you a little more if you are" Enjolras smiled as a couple more tears slowly slid down his face. Grantaire smiled and pulled Enjolras into a tight embrace "It's okay to be true to yourself." Grantaire whispered. Enjolras pulled away, whipping his teary eyes on his sleeve. "Thank you R" he whispered.

"Anytime, and I mean that." Grantaire said. The pair got up and Enjolras sniffled unsure where to go from there. Grantaire uncomfortably stuffed his hands in his pajama pockets. "

"Um would you like some tea? Coffee? Enjolras offered, his voice small.  
Grantaire shook his head. "Thanks but uh, I should be getting back I guess. It's pretty late and-"

"Please don't leave me.." Enjolras blurted out before he could stop himself. Grantaire felt his face turn red. Enjolras continued in a whisper "Not tonight. Please" Grantaire looked at teh man in front of him. The beautiful, strong man he loved was now looking at him like a sad lost puppy. It broke Grantaire's heart.

"If you want me to; I suppose I can crash on your couch." Grantaire spoke. After all, it wouldn't be the first time Grantaire called that couch a bed, except this time he was sober. Enjolras half smiled, and felt a tear escape his eye.

 

"Dammit" he whispered, wiping it away. Grantaire walked over and embraced Enjolras again. "I can't even go back in there." Enjolras gestured to his bedroom. "Not while that girls in there."

Grantaire thought for a second "Here sit down, give me a second" he whipped out his phone and dialed a number and brought the phone to his ear. "Hello? Yes hi I need a cab at 221B North Axel Street. Yes. Mhm. Okay awesome, thank you." and he hung up. "Gotta love 24 hour cab service. They'll be here in 5." he informed Enjolras, who let out a sigh of relief.

 

There was a honk coming from outside Enjolras apartment. "That's her ride." Grantaire said with a smirk. He made his way into Enjolras's room where his one night stand was still fast asleep. He picked up her clothes and lightly shook her shoulders until she woke up.  
"Hey lady, put your clothes on, your chariot awaits." He said sarcastically. The woman who looked quite confused, took her clothes from Grantaire and put them on. She then made quite the flustered and disgruntled exit from the apartment. She didn't even get noticed by Enjolras, who was on the balcony having yet another cigarette. Grantaire changed the sheets on Enjolras's bed, and then went outside to retrieve Enjolras.  
"She's gone." he spoke softly from the doorway. Enjolras turned and exhaled, tossing his cigarette.

"Good. Thank god."

"I changed the your sheets too, figured you wouldn't wanna sleep on those." Enjolras couldn't help but smile. They walked into the apartment and Grantaire began fixing up his place on the couch. Enjolras walked to his bedroom around the corner and stopped in the frame. "Thank you R, for everything."

"Don't mention it." Grantaire smiled. Enjolras walked into his room and sat down at the edge of his bed. Before he knew it, he was in the door-frame again.

"Hey R?"

 

Grantaire turned his head and faced him. "If you want to, you know, sleep in my bed with me, it's fine. I mean, I don't want the couch to fuck your back and my bed's big enough and-" Enjolras stopped as Grantaire slowly walked past him into his bedroom with a grin on his face, which made Enjolras stomach do flip-flops. Grantaire climbed into Enjolras's bed, followed by Enjolras himself. Grantaire was a nervous wreck, he didn't know where his boundaries now laid with Enjolras after tonight.  
They both got under the blanket as Enjolras clicked off the light on his bedside table.  
"Goodnight Enjolras" Grantaire whispered. Enjolras was silent, with his back facing Grantaire.  
"Goodnight R." his voice was soft. Gaining the random confidence, Grantaire scooted closer to Enjolras and began tracing pictures onto Enjolras's back gently with his index finger. When he heard Enjolras fall asleep, Grantaire in a voice barely audible spoke, "Je T'aime, mon Apollo"


	2. Eponine's Reaction

Grantaire watched his sleeping Apollo, all the distress that was on his face had disappeared, which was a relief to Grantaire. In all the years of knowing Enjolras he has never witnessed Enjolras this upset. Enjolras was normally the one who had it all together, it would be Grantaire who would call late at night in a hysterical mess and it would be Enjolras who would come to the rescue. Enjolras was Grantaire's super hero. To Grantaire, Enjolras was invincible, it always seemed that nothing could bother Enjolras. He was what Grantaire wanted to be. He was passionate, confident, respected by many, intelligent, and ambitious. He was everything Grantaire was none of that, only in his dreams did he posses these qualities. Grantaire was shy, he had a shit self-esteem, always anxious, clumsy, dorky, and very cynical. Grantaire despised himself,

            Grantaire looked over at Enjolras who was fast asleep. He smiled to himself, this was a night he would never forget and he was sure of that. His golden love had asked him to stay the night, confessed his secret to him and now he was asleep next to him. Grantaire smile got wider,  _If this is a dream. Dear god don't wake me._ Grantaire pulled the covers over him, he snuggled up against Enjolras's warm back. He dug his face into the pillow and fell asleep.

            Enjolras woke up to find himself all alone in his bed. He rubbed his eyes as he sat up. He looked around _Last night couldn't possibly have been a dream could it_ he thought. He looked over where Grantaire was last night, and as  confirmation from the messy part of the bed. Last night did happen. Enjolras smiled to himself, his cheeks tinted. Enjolras got up from his bed and walked out to the kitchen. The smell of coffee overwhelmed his apartment. Grantaire must of brewed a pot. He looked around as he entered the kitchen looking for him, but there was no sign of him. Enjolras poured himself a cup of coffee, as he was pouring the drink he saw a piece of paper folded up next to the coffee machine. Enjolras unfolded the paper to see it was written from Grantaire.

            Enjolras

                                    I had to leave early for a meeting, I was going to wake you up but you looked so damn peaceful. So I didn't and just decided to make you some coffee. Have a lovely day, text me when you can. Enjoy the coffee.

                        xoxooo

                        -R

            P.S Took some of your clothes

 

 

            Enjolras smiled and took a sip of his coffee. He folded the note back up and slipped it into his back pocket. He walked himself out onto the balcony for a cigarette. He took another sip as he sat himself down on the bench. He grabbed his pack of cigarettes and lit himself a jack. As he sucked on the butt of the cigarette he pulled out his phone. He was suprised by the time, it was almost noon. He hadn't slept in this late since his college days.

            Enjolras unlocked his phone and began to type out a text to Grantaire apologizing for waking him up so late last night and once again thanking him for everything. He sent it and leaned back , he took another drag of his cigarette and began to figure out the internal conflict inside him.

            He was sad, he had always been taught that this feeling was wrong. Though pursuing this feeling would honestly make him happy. The thought of being with Grantaire brought joy to Enjolras. He looked at the sky and started to whisper his morning prayer. Enjolras asked for forgiveness, he knew what he was going to do, he was going to follow his heart at the end. He had to do what made him happy and Grantaire made him happy.

            Enjolras finished his cigarette and watched the sky. His phone buzzed on the side table , Enjolras looked over to see a response from Grantaire. He hovered his thumb over his name, smiling. He opened the text 'I'm glad you're up. Don't worry, I'm glad you called. I'll always be a phone call away. Hope you enjoyed the coffee.' Enjolras smile grew "Oh I did" he said to himself. A part of him began to wish he woke up next to Grantaire, what it would be like to see the cynic asleep. To see the mess of curls covering his face, the soft snoring he'd make, the peace he would have. The image Enjolras had in his mind was priceless.

            Grantaire checked his phone as he was walking home from his early meeting, he saw Enjolras's response about the coffee. 'It's not like I was a barista all threw collage. psh.' he responded. He tucked his phone in his pocket and walked into his apartment building.

            He walked into his and Eponine's apartment quietly to see Eponine curled up on their couch wrapped in blankets and a box of tissues next to her. Grantaire rose an eyebrow  then looked over at the television to see an episode of Grey's Anatomy on. Eponine paused the show and looked up at Grantaire teary eyed. "Why do I do this to myself." Eponine sniffled as she whipped a couple tears with the crumpled damp tissue in her hand. Grantaire laughed as he sat himself next to Eponine, covering himself with one of the several blankets Eponine possessed. "Who died?" Grantaire said as he shifted himself into a comfortable position.

            "Denny." Eponine croaked as she continued whipping the stream of tears. Grantaire laughed a little as he watched her try to compose herself. "I'm a mess 'Taire."

            Grantaire nodded in agreement as he stretched out. Eponine took a deep breath and whipped her face. She looked over at him and laughed "I'm such a mess."

            "That you are"

            Eponine rolled her eyes, then furrowed her eyebrows. "Those aren't your clothes."

            Grantaire bit his lip trying to supress his smile. "They're Enjolras's."

            "And why do you have his clothes on?" she asked then she paused for a minute. "He's the reason why you left so late isn't it!" she said jumping in her seat. Grantaire nodded his face flushed as he  looked at the red hoodie he stole from Enjolras's closet.

            "He, well, um. Okay." Grantaire said scatter as he tried to gather his thoughts and figure a way to explain to Eponine what happened. "Okay, well he was having a horrible night. He was a mess and called me. Eponine when I say he was a mess, I mean he was a mess. I have never seen him so emotional and torn apart." Grantaire said scratching his knotted curly hair.

            "What was he so emotional about."

            Grantaire sighed heavily , he looked up at Eponine. "You can't tell anybody. Not even 'Ferre." Eponine nodded "He's gay." Grantaire blurted out. Eponine instantly jumped to her feet smiling. "I fucking knew it!" she shouted. Grantaire laughed but then his frowned.

            "It's not that great. You know how he  is with his religion."

            "You mean how he's a Jesus freak. Yeah." Eponine said crossing her arms as she sat herself back down on the couch. "Oh wait..." she paused "Oh shit, poor Enjolras." she said letting out a heavy sigh. Grantaire shrugged his shoulders. "So why did you stay there the rest of the night."

            "He wanted me to stay. I was going to leave and come back here, but he asked and I can't say no to him." Grantaire smiled slightly "He even offered to share is bed with me Eponine."

            "You took the offer right?"

            Grantaire laughed as he shook his head. "Of course. The funny thing is..." Grantaire's smile got bigger. He looked up at Eponine "He said he loved me."

            "Shut the fuck up! Do you think he meant in 'I love you come fuck me' or 'You're an amazing friend, I love you'"

            Grantaire shrugged his shoulders. He honestly didn't know.

 


End file.
